Guess Who I Found In the Middle Of A Maelstrom?

In Meditation, Psychology, Retreat, Yoga by admin16 Comments

More of Me.

“What’s she talking about?” you might be asking.

Perhaps you’ve noticed I’ve been incognito the past few months. Many of you have sweetly reached out inquiring as to my where about. Much appreciated.

Today I’m here to tell you that I’ve been smack dab in the center of a serious health concern. A couple in fact.

One thing I’ve learned is that you can be certain that life is uncertain. Unpredictable. At any given moment we are greeted with great joy, faced with immense suffering, and met with neutrality. Often within seconds. Or three breaths.

Several years ago, while navigating my way through and around another of life’s obstacles, my teacher advised me that it would best serve my well-being to insulate. I understood immediately that insulating is not the same as isolating. Isolation can pull you further down the rabbit hole. While insulation is fortifying.

When my teacher suggested insulation it brought to mind what in Anusara yoga we call Muscular Energy. In this method of hatha yoga Muscular Energy is considered a universal principle of alignment. It’s both simple and complex. In the practice of asana Muscle Energy, or ME, is a physical action. However, it’s also an energetic action that settles the mental and emotional bodies.

ME is a conscious flow of energy that creates stability, strength and integration.

This conscious flow moves from your periphery to your core. Your skin to your muscle. Muscle to bone. It draws from your appendages towards your mid-line. From the core lines of your body to what in Anusara yoga is called the focal point. For now I’ll call it the pulsating center of your being.

It’s a hugging action. Affirmative. Harmonizing. Magnetic. Without ME the physical, mental and emotional bodies feel disconnected, hyper-mobile, dis-jointed, anxious, fearful, unconscious.

Muscle Energy is the ultimate action of self-love.

So, for the past few months, I’ve been scuba diving into the ocean of turbulence. Geared up. Insulated in my wet suit of Muscle Energy.

You and I, who are drawn to the healing transformative arts, such as yoga, are generally by nature kind, thoughtful, compassionate, caring, loving, responsible. These are gifts we give to the world.

For me as a teacher, mentor and coach I’ve been a really really ramped up student. Some of you in my heart-tribe call me Kick Ass. The Energizer Bunny. The Warrioress. Magic. I’ve never been accused of doing anything half-heartedly.

When I step into the class room and see the faces of my students, when I sit with a client, I fall in love. Each and every time. My heart expands exponentially. I can’t help but pour myself out with so much fervor.

Somehow through the years I’ve often forgotten how to self-recognize the signs of distress. It’s the shadow of the gift. Neither bad nor good. Just gut real.

As we entered this new year, on January 2, I hit the wall with a crazy crisis that brought me to my knees. Interesting no, that it also forced me to step away from teaching in order to re-claim my health.

Having the mat ripped out from under me – disconcerting. Stepping away from the seat of the teacher – heart-breaking. Fatigued and ill – the ultimate concealment/revealment teaching of Shiva played out on my pillow. My dreams. My journal. My cushion.

FullSizeRenderAs strength and vitality slowly returns so do long quiet walks. Hiking in the Sonoran preserve surrounded by the steadiness of the mountains. The spaciousness of land and sky.

In time, with the practices, an excavation. A re-evaluation. A rediscovering of me. Karma, in the sense of cause and effect. I imagine on some level you can relate.

So, that’s where I’ve been. This is where I’m at. Where I’m going remains a bit of a mystery.

Like Shiva and Parvati I’m playing at the game of life. Attempting to get more skillful at it. Leveraging my strengths. Inviting in the shadows. Integrating them that I might feel empowered. See with renewed clarity. Live more radiantly.

Slowly, I’m returning to my work in the world. Infusing my offerings with what this maelstrom is teaching me. Acknowledging and accepting new fissures. Pieces and parts re-joined creating the most current puzzle of me.

For now, here’s where you might find me – on the mountain top. In the cave of my home. A few places around town, and the planet. Check out the events below.

Keep the conversation flowing by clicking the comment button.

♥Yes! The Mystic Heart November Italy Retreat is So happening!!
We have a few spaces remaining so register or contact me/Denise for more information.

♥Personal Growth and Evolution – A Journey to Self-love and Divine Connection
Yoga Breeze – Carefree, AZ
Personal Growth Flier for More Info.

♥Mini-Mystic Heart 2 day Summer Retreat
Contact Denise for more information –
Ithaca, New York
New Park Flier for More Info.


  1. Beautiful, Paulette. We are holding heart space for you and looking forward to seeing you again at Bodhi!

  2. Another step on the journey back. I’ve been missing these insights.

    1. Author

      Yes Niamh! Another step on the journey of healing. Inside and out. So glad you have enjoyed the insights along the way.

  3. We all dance with these issues. Sometimes gracefully, and sometimes from the prayerful position of humility and child’s pose. Health concerns forced me to step away from yoga and teaching, but opened up a world in more meditation, restoration, and yin. Thank you for sharing from heart felt vulnerability Paulette!

    1. Author

      You’re so welcome. Vulnerability is often scary, but in so many ways a path to freedom. I remember when you were also working through health concerns. You too showed vulnerability and resilience.

  4. Paulette, I love you as much as you are lovely in every way! Thank you for sharing you. You are a Light.

    1. Author

      Thank you my dear heart. You have been an inspiration to me.

  5. Thank you for sharing your thoughtful and transparent heart and journey through life. I’ve been missing these emails of encouragement and love. I was so delighted to see this update in my inbox. Love you, beautiful lady. Thank you as always for your touching words of wisdom. (((hugs)))

    1. Author

      So great to hear from you Kimberly! Makes me happy that my sharing is helpful to you and others in our community. We are all in this crazy beautiful wild life together. The bits of insight and wisdom we gain along the way may just be the loving reminder someone needs.

  6. Thank you so much for continuing to teach even when you are away. I think of you often and send energy and love your way, and totally know that insulating is critical and good in so many ways. I honor you for knowing how to move through this tidal wave……your story reminded me of my teenage surfing years….I would often find myself sucked down by a huge crashing wave, and had to learn not to fight it. Even when I was being pummeled by the sandy ocean bottom, I simply let it be and eventually I would float freely to the surface, ready to brave the big waves again. I came to a point where I actually found a sense of peace and wonder under the waves, as much as I enjoyed riding them. XOXOXOXO

    1. Author

      Karen, you’re so welcome. Your analogy is a beautiful wow, and spot on. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.

  7. There you are my friend! It has been an interesting year and I wondered about how you were faring, thanks for sharing this link on FB.
    You are in my thoughts and energy field as we dance this stage of our life. Peace, love, blessing.

    1. Author

      Yes! It HAS been an interesting year. Let’s connect and continue to share the dance. Love and blessings to you as well my dear heart.

  8. Paulette , I got excited to see you blog it’s been a while in fact I saved it to read last and make a fresh cup of coffee it was such a morning treat for me . It got my mind thinking in contemplation , compassion , curiousty
    And touched all the parts of my heart .
    What can I say , keep it coming excited for more !

    1. Author

      Thanks for sharing. Happy to hear – contemplation, compassion and curiosity is what the world needs more of.

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